The Dreaded Pastoral Phone Call and some advice from Bukowski

I recently reopened a few of the poetry books of Charles Bukowski I have about the place (I used to have more but I think many have wandered away in the hands of friends). In them I am finding, once again, a really relevant and purposefully dangerous voice. This one truly struck home with me when it comes to the concept of the late night “emergency” pastoral calls those of us preparing for ministry are told dread stories about.

the telephone

will bring you people
with its ring,
people who do not know what to do with
their time
and they will ache to
infect you with
this
from a distance
(although they would prefer
to actually be in the same room
to better project their nullity upon
you).


the telephone is needed for
emergency purposes only.

these people are not
emergencies they are
calamities.

I have never welcomed the ring of a
telephone.

"hello," I will answer
guardedly.

"this is Dwight."

already you can feel their imbecile
yearning to invade.
they are the people-fleas that
crawl the
psyche.

"yes, what is it?"

"well, I'm in town tonight and
I thought..."

"listen, Dwight, I'm tied up, I
can't..."

"well, maybe another
time?

"maybe not..."

each person is only given so many
evenings
and each wasted evening is
a gross violation against the
natural course of
your only life;
besides, it leaves an aftertaste
which often lasts two or three days
depending upon the visitor.

the telephone is only for
emergency purposes.

it has taken me
decades
but I have finally found out
how to say
"no."

now
don't be concerned for them,
please:
they will simply dial another
number.

it could be
yours.

"hello," you will
say.

and they will say
"this is Dwight."

and then
you
be
the kind
understanding
soul.

Now to be clear from the start I am all for being available at all hours for true emergency phone calls. One of the most intense emergency phone calls I have ever taken was at three o’clock in the morning from a couple in the throws of intense mourning on the two year anniversary of the death of an individual who I thought at first had been a young child but, twenty minutes into the conversation, turned out to be a pet dog. By some criteria an hour-long pastoral conversation over the loss of a pet in the early morning might seem frivolous but the crisis and mourning was exceptionally real and clear. I would not have forgone that phone call, especially for something so readily found as a good night’s sleep, because it was readily and apparently real.

There is another type of phone call and another type of conversation that is not quite the same thing. It is a type of trap, I will call it “the kind understanding soul trap”. The components of the trap are relatively simple. A chaplain wants to “be the kind understanding soul” and places internal value on whether or not they enter into pastoral conversations, especially with people they find draining. Broken and needy individuals seek out the chaplain seeking “the kind understanding soul”. The chaplain feels that saying “no” would be unkind and takes the phone call and has the conversation.

All of this is allowed because of a theory that taking the phone call, having the pastoral conversation, being “the kind understanding soul” is an absolute moral good. This does not account for the fact that a chaplain and those being served can become enmeshed. I, as the chaplain, can bring myself to ignore all of the internal signs telling me that something is wrong with a pastoral relationship on the altar of “I have to take this phone call or I am a bad chaplain”. While those under my pastoral care can actually be enabled in their brokenness and neediness by my constant openness not to their actual needs as individuals but to my need to define myself as “the kind understanding soul”.

Which does not mean I plan to stop taking phone calls, nor that I do not strive to be kind and understanding. What it means is that I step back and discern. What is my gut telling me about these phone calls and conversations? In my attempts to be kind and understanding am I actually being enabling and ignorant? Am I here to make myself feel good about being a chaplain or is this part of the abundant life with God Jesus is calling me towards? At the end of the day it goes back to the fact that the Love of God is about compassion but it is also about challenge. As chaplains, as people of God, we have to be about both.

Homeless, Racist; Dignity, Shame

For a while I was a case worker with a community of individuals dealing with homelessness. Note that I did not say “I was a case worker with the homeless”. This might seem like a small variation but it is a rather important one. “Homeless” is an adjective not a noun; it is a context someone finds oneself in not a state of being that defines a person. It is the difference between allowing someone to identify as an individual or forcing an individual to be nothing more than a stagnant identity. Recognizing someone as an individual, regardless of their context, is a key component of dignity. It is also a key component of not causing an individual to feel ashamed.

I want to take a moment to look at shame before going on. I have never found shame to be a good motivator. When I feel ashamed I am stuck, I feel I cannot change or do anything about my condition. Also I have never found shaming someone an effective teaching tool for long term change. At the end of the day I can find no use for shame.

What I do find effective is guilt. If someone comes to me and points out an action I have done that is wrong, shows me its wrongness, and promotes guilt, that can be a strong motivator for change. This process respects my dignity, it allows me to identify outside of the wrong action and make a set of achievable goals to over come it.

Now individuals should feel neither ashamed nor guilty if they find themselves in the context of homelessness. Shame should not be there for reasons stated above. Guilt should not be there because homelessness is a context not an action. Now an individual might engage in a series of wrong behaviors that might lead them, or perpetuate. the context of homelessness. Now in respect to those wrong behaviors guilt might not only be appropriate but requisite for the change necessary for leaving the context of homelessness. Some individuals find themselves in the context of homelessness not because of wrong doing but on account of right action in a broken world, an individual fleeing an abusive spouse with their children for instance.

What I have come to realize is that racism (a long with heterosexism, homosexism, misogyny, misandry, cisgenderism[1] etc.) is that it is also a context. This does not validate racism, any more than naming homelessness a context makes it any less a societal injustice. Racism is simply a context for which there is generally less compassion for those obviously caught up in it than homelessness. This lack of compassion makes it very easy to shame individuals, ignore their basic dignity, when they are caught up in the context of racism.

My suggestion is that this is counter productive. What I feel when I call someone a racist (or heterosexist, etc) is a very good feeling of self righteousness and when I am called a racist I feel an inordinate amount of shame. I know that when I am filled with either self righteousness or shame that I am generally blind, stuck, and unable to communicate. Now when I am perpetuating wrong actions that bring me into the context of racism, homosexism, cisgenderism and misogyny (all of which I have been called to task on and I expect such to occur again) I do need to be brought to task, I do need to feel an effective level of guilt, and I do need a community to be in conversation with me so that I can goal set to right and appropriate action. This cannot occur, however, if I am feeling shame and ineffective unrest and pain from those calling me to task.

I want to remove myself effectively from contexts that are filled with societal injustice and promote others to like actions. This means I have to place aside a need for vindication through shame, it means I have to recognize the basic dignity of those who are caught up in horrendous contexts and might be perpetuating severely wrong actions. It means I have to have compassion and empathy for those whom it is not necessarily easy so to do. It means striving to recognize the dignity and forgo shaming all individuals in all contexts unilaterally.        

---

[1] I have never encountered a prejudice similar to racism or sexism from the transgender community towards the cisgender community (of the opposite I have sadly encountered too much). To that end I do not attempt to formulate an opposite of cisgenderism in this list and pray that no experience will ever lead me so to do. 

Bexley Hall has a School Song... and it is rather good.

So in the midst of my work in the archives of Bexley Hall a dinner card fell out with a dinner card that included the words for the Bexley Hall Call, or school song. I have no idea what tune it would originally been sung to (its metre is 11 11 11 5) but a friend and I went to the organ and played around with several possible settings and found that K. Lee Scott’s Shades Mountain fit rather perfectly. I find the whole thing rather endearing, if not exceptionally grande, and suggest we start singing it on a regular basis at all official events.

The Bexley Hall Call

O World, thy burning bush beside Kokosing,[1]

Through flames of life thine urgent Voice disclosing,

Calleth afar o’er woodland, hill, and hollow

We follow, follow

O Sky, thy birds fly north, fly south incessant,

Obeying signals of thy changing crescent,

All Doves of God, though winged like the swallow,

We follow, follow.

O Dawn, thy music sounds along the valley;

No living thing, on hearing it may dally;

O sweeter far than harp-strings of Apollo

We follow, follow.

O Voice of Love, beside the Jordan river!

It drew the fisherfolk, it draws us ever.[2]

It calls, it calls, o’er woodland, hill, and hollow

We follow, follow.

Author: Unknown

Tune: Shades Mountain

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[1] Kokosing is a river in Ohio that runs near the original home of Bexley Hall

[2] Original Text: It drew the fishermen, it draws men ever

Prayers of the People based on the Beatitudes

The following is a Prayers of the People based on the beatitudes. While it would be functional anywhere the beatitudes are a lectionary reading on All Saints Day as well as a common reading for saints throughout the year.

Jesus went up the mountain, sat before the crowd, and began to speak. We are the crowd.

All:    May we listen, learn, and do. 

Richness and fullness in wealth, in knowledge, in spirit do not draw us to heaven. May we be filled with an emptiness and poverty that draws us ever closer to you. May we bring an end to emptiness and poverty that leaves any one isolated and without hope. Bless all with the kingdom of heaven. We are the crowd.

All: May we listen, learn, and do.

Clinging to existence we forget to live. Striving for long years we forsake years that are long. May we release those to whoms’ memories, we cling. May we acknowledge our sadness and loss. You are with those who have died, be with all those who mourn, make us the instruments of your comfort. We are the crowd.

All: May we listen, learn, and do

Longing for power, surety, and the status quo we create systems of privilege, false normals, and stagnation. May we cease to seek privilege and instead long for the dignity of all. May we cease to seek surety and instead long for growth. May we give up stagnation and embrace humility. Make us see the common humanity of all who live on this earth. We are the crowd.

All: May we listen, learn, and do.

Striving for satiation we surround ourselves with false comforts; in trying to be right we ignore the pain of others. Make us aware of the troubles and concerns around us, take away our security so that we might share that discomfort, bring us to hunger and thirst for righteousness so that everyone may be filled in truth. We are the crowd.

All: May we listen, learn, and do.

Anger fills us with a need for vengeance and harsh justice; we seek to lessen our pain by inflicting pain upon others. May we acknowledge our anger but not be held by it. May we seek justice for the wrongs done against us but not be defined by them. Give us the gift to be merciful with ourselves and merciful with others so that all may receive mercy. We are the crowd.

All: May we listen, learn, and do.

Refusing to look inward we carry emotional baggage, we leave parts of ourselves in shadow and darkness, we maintain ingrained habits and reactions. May we acknowledge our immaturity and a need to grow to more full and complete individuals. May we bring light into our inner darkness. Give us pure hearts oh God, so that we might see your face. We are the crowd.

All: May we listen, learn, and do.

Destruction, not creation, becomes the all too easy answer for conflict. May we elect and maintain governments that seek not a cessation of violence but the creation that is the true opposite of war. May we recognize that creating cultures of peace is as much the cumulative action of our day to day lives as it is the acts of those in power. God grant that we might always strive for peace, that we might be called the children of God. We are the crowd.

All: May we listen, learn, and do.

Limited as we are it is impossible to know and understand you fully. May we strive to discern when we are being persecuted for witnessing your truth and when we are being critiqued to know you more fully. May we never claim persecution in order to avoid necessary change. Grant that any adversity we face may bring us only closer to the truth of your kingdom. We are the crowd.

All: May we listen, learn, and do.

Christians throughout the world seek to walk the path that Jesus set for us. May we never walk the easy path of complacency. May we ever seek to speak your truth. May we never stop on the account of social stigma. May we ever seek to die to the world and live in Christ Crucified. Grant that we will continue to walk the way of the prophets and saints of old. We are the crowd. 

All: May we listen, learn, and do.

A Simple Easter Service

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A few people have been asking about a simple Easter service with families and small children in mind. I specifically left out service music, kept to hymns that are very simple, and grabbed Common Worship's EP H for its brevity. This service does NOT conform to the rubrics for a Principle Easter Service but could be used at a secondary service. It is generally not my inclination to combine the words Easter Service and Simple but I think this will work. Hope it is useful. 

Alleluia. Christ is risen.

The Lord is risen indeed. Alleluia.

Hymn 204            Now the Green Blade Riseth

God be with you.

And also with you.

Let us pray

Almighty God, who for our redemption gave your only-begotten Son to the death of the cross, and by his glorious resurrection delivered us from the power of our enemy: Grant us so to die daily to sin, that we may evermore live with him in the joy of his resurrection; through Jesus Christ your Son our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever. Amen.

A lesson from the letter of Paul to the Romans

Do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? Therefore we have been buried with him by baptism into death, so that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, so we too might walk in newness of life. For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we will certainly be united with him in a resurrection like his. We know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body of sin might be destroyed, and we might no longer be enslaved to sin. For whoever has died is freed from sin. But if we have died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. We know that Christ, being raised from the dead, will never die again; death no longer has dominion over him. The death he died, he died to sin, once for all; but the life he lives, he lives to God. So you also must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus.

Hear what the spirit is saying to God’s people.

Thanks be to God

Hymn 50            This is the day the Lord hath made

The Holy Gospel of our Savior Jesus Christ According to Luke

Glory to you Lord Christ

On the first day of the week, at early dawn, the women who had come with Jesus from Galilee came to the tomb, taking the spices that they had prepared. They found the stone rolled away from the tomb, but when they went in, they did not find the body. While they were perplexed about this, suddenly two men in dazzling clothes stood beside them. The women were terrified and bowed their faces to the ground, but the men said to them, "Why do you look for the living among the dead? He is not here, but has risen. Remember how he told you, while he was still in Galilee, that the Son of Man must be handed over to sinners, and be crucified, and on the third day rise again." Then they remembered his words, and returning from the tomb, they told all this to the eleven and to all the rest. Now it was Mary Magdalene, Joanna, Mary the mother of James, and the other women with them who told this to the apostles. But these words seemed to them an idle tale, and they did not believe them. But Peter got up and ran to the tomb; stooping and looking in, he saw the linen cloths by themselves; then he went home, amazed at what had happened.

The Gospel of the Lord

Praise to you Lord Christ

Sermon

We believe in one God,

    the Father, the Almighty,

    maker of heaven and earth,

    of all that is, seen and unseen.

We believe in one Lord, Jesus Christ,

    the only Son of God,

    eternally begotten of the Father,

    God from God, Light from Light,

    true God from true God,

    begotten, not made,

    of one Being with the Father.

    Through him all things were made.

    For us and for our salvation

        he came down from heaven:

    by the power of the Holy Spirit

        he became incarnate from the Virgin Mary,

        and was made man.

    For our sake he was crucified under Pontius Pilate;

        he suffered death and was buried.

        On the third day he rose again

            in accordance with the Scriptures;

        he ascended into heaven

            and is seated at the right hand of the Father.

    He will come again in glory to judge the living and the dead,

        and his kingdom will have no end.

We believe in the Holy Spirit, the Lord, the giver of life,

    who proceeds from the Father and the Son.

    With the Father and the Son he is worshiped and glorified.

    He has spoken through the Prophets.

    We believe in one holy catholic and apostolic Church.

    We acknowledge one baptism for the forgiveness of sins.

    We look for the resurrection of the dead,

        and the life of the world to come. Amen.

Let us give thanks to God our Father for all his gifts so

freely bestowed upon us.

For the beauty and wonder of your creation, in earth and

sky and sea.

We thank you, Lord.

For all that is gracious in the lives of men and women,

revealing the image of Christ,

We thank you, Lord.

For our daily food and drink, our homes and families, and

our friends,

We thank you, Lord.

For minds to think, and hearts to love, and hands to serve,

We thank you, Lord.

For health and strength to work, and leisure to rest and play,

We thank you, Lord.

For the brave and courageous, who are patient in suffering

and faithful in adversity,

We thank you, Lord.

For all valiant seekers after truth, liberty, and justice,

We thank you, Lord.

For the communion of saints, in all times and places,

We thank you, Lord.

Above all, we give you thanks for the great mercies and

promises given to us in Christ Jesus our Lord;

To him be praise and glory, with you, O Father, and the

Holy Spirit, now and for ever. Amen.

O God, the power of the powerless,

you have chosen as your witnesses

those whose voice is not heard.

Grant that, as women first announced

the resurrection

though they were not believed,

we too may have courage

to persist in proclaiming your word,

in the power of Jesus Christ, Amen.[i]

The Peace of Christ be always with you.

And Also with you.

Walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself for us, an offering and sacrifice to God.

Hymn 490 I want to Walk as a Child of the Light

The Lord is here.

The Spirit is with us.

Lift up your hearts.

We lift them to the Lord.

Let us give thanks to the Lord our God.

It is right to give thanks and praise.

It is right to praise you, Father, Lord of all creation;

in your love you made us for yourself.

When we turned away

you did not reject us,

but came to meet us in your Son.

You embraced us as your children

and welcomed us to sit and eat with you.

In Christ you shared our life

that we might live in him and he in us.

He opened his arms of love upon the cross

and made for all the perfect sacrifice for sin.

                             

On the night he was betrayed,

at supper with his friends

he took bread, and gave you thanks;

he broke it and gave it to them, saying:

Take, eat; this is my body which is given for you;

do this in remembrance of me.

Father, we do this in remembrance of him:

his body is the bread of life.

                             

At the end of supper, taking the cup of wine,

he gave you thanks, and said:

Drink this, all of you; this is my blood of the new covenant,

which is shed for you for the forgiveness of sins;

do this in remembrance of me.

Father, we do this in remembrance of him:

his blood is shed for all.

                             

As we proclaim his death and celebrate his rising in glory,

send your Holy Spirit that this bread and this wine

may be to us the body and blood of your dear Son.

As we eat and drink these holy gifts

make us one in Christ, our risen Lord.

                             

With your whole Church throughout the world

we offer you this sacrifice of praise

and lift our voice to join the eternal song of heaven:

                             

Holy, holy, holy Lord,

God of power and might,

Heaven and earth are full of your glory.

Hosanna in the highest.

As our Savior Christ

has taught us,

we now pray,

Our Father in heaven,

    hallowed be your Name,

    your kingdom come,

    your will be done,

        on earth as in heaven.

Give us today our daily bread.

Forgive us our sins

    as we forgive those

        who sin against us.

Save us from the time of trial,

    and deliver us from evil.

For the kingdom, the power,

    and the glory are yours,

    now and for ever. Amen.

Alleluia. Christ our Passover is sacrificed for us;

Therefore let us keep the feast. Alleluia.

Most merciful Lord,

your love compels us to come in.

Our hands were unclean,

our hearts were unprepared;

we were not fit

even to eat the crumbs from under your table.

But you, Lord, are the God of our salvation,

and share your bread with sinners.

So cleanse and feed us

with the precious body and blood of your Son,

that he may live in us and we in him;

and that we, with the whole company of Christ,

may sit and eat in your kingdom.

Amen.

Hymn 661 They Cast their nets in Galillee

Father of all,

we give you thanks and praise,

that when we were still far off

you met us in your Son and brought us home.

Dying and living, he declared your love,

gave us grace, and opened the gate of glory.

May we who share Christ's body live his risen life;

we who drink his cup bring life to others;

we whom the Spirit lights give light to the world.

Keep us firm in the hope you have set before us,

so we and all your children shall be free,

and the whole earth live to praise your name;

through Christ our Lord.

Amen.

The God of peace,

who brought again from the dead our Lord Jesus,

that great shepherd of the sheep,

through the blood of the eternal covenant,

make you perfect in every good work to do his will,

working in you that which is well-pleasing in his sight;

and the blessing of the Father, the Son, and The Holy Ghost

be with you now and always.

Hymn 207 Jesus Christ is Risen Today

Go in the peace of Christ. Alleluia, alleluia.

Thanks be to God. Alleluia, alleluia.

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[i] Concluding prayer by Janet Morley

All other materials drawn from Common Worship or the 1979 BCP

"Rite 3" Based on Herbert's Afflictions

I composed the following Eucharist Prayer based on Afflictions IV by George Herbert for a Eucharist on his feast day earlier this month...

The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ and the love of God and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all.

And also with you.

Lift up your hearts.

We lift them to the Lord.

Let us give thanks to the Lord our God.

It is right to give God thanks and praise.

It is right to praise you, God, who planted Paradise, where at first we lived in pleasure, and where you shared with us all delights. Yet we grew wanton, brought about your displeasure, and the ground of paradise was no longer firm. Still you remained our anchor, strengthening us in every age, when waves rose against us, and tempest raged around us. And so we join the saints and angels in proclaiming your glory, as we

sing,

Holy, Holy, Holy Lord, God of power and might,

heaven and earth are full of your glory.

Hosanna in the highest.

Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord.

Hosanna in the highest.

So that we might not part, so that as we at first did live with you we might do so again. You tasted our misery. Came to know our joy and grief. Came to furnish a table.

A table you, Jesus, prepared on the night before you were handed over to suffering and death. You took bread and gave thanks. You broke the bread and shared it with your friends, saying: "Take, eat: This is my Body, which is given for you. Do this

for the remembrance of me."

Then you took a cup of wine, gave thanks, and shared it, saying: "Drink this, all of you: This is my Blood of the new Covenant, which is shed for you and for many for the forgiveness of sins. Whenever you drink it, do this for the remembrance of me."

We remember your death.

We celebrate your resurrection.

We wait your coming again.

Accept, O Lord, our sacrifice of praise, this memorial of our

redemption.

Send your Holy Spirit upon these gifts.

Let them be for us your Body and Blood.

Let them afflict and shake us so we fasten closer to you.

Let them destroy our wantonness and kindle our curiosity.

Holy Spirit so temper joy and grief that all things shine your glory.

We ask through Jesus, the Son, in unity with the Spirit,  in the glory, of the Father; Eternal Trinity. AMEN

Our Father in heaven,

hallowed be your name.

Your kingdom come,

your will be done,

on earth, as it is in heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread,

and forgive us our debts,

as we also have forgiven our debtors.

And lead us not into temptation,

but deliver us from evil.

Hymn: The Sweetness of Christ Love

 This hymn came out of an assignment on the Anglican Mystical Poet Richard Rolle. It is an adaptation of stanzas 2, 6, 7, 9, 11, and 12 of his poem "The Sweetness of the Love of Jesus". It can be fit to any LM tune but I am particularly fond of singing it to "Conditor Alme Siderum" which is the tune for Hymn 26, "O Gracious Light, Lord Jesus Christ" in the 1982 Hymnal.

 

I pray oh Christ that life teach me,

after thy love to have longing.

And firmly set my heart on thee

So in thy love to have living.

Christ likeness in my soul is set.

And all this world for me is wrought.

The Father seeks my love to get

For to heaven he’ll have me brought.

As Mother do I know God well

Before my birth she knew me sure

And next with water washed my ‘til

The ill of sin was surely cured.

Brother and sister be God too

For Jesus said in teachings pure,

That if it is God’s will we do

Then we shall be Christ’s siblings sure

Christ’s love endures beyond all things,

all earthly loves that may be here,

gives an eternal wedding ring,

well ought I now to love God dear.

Christ’s life becomes the fullest kiss

To be my Lord Christ truly yearns.

Jesus is named the king of bliss

His love I yearneth so to learn.